CORONADO BAR HOPPIN’ ON A BICYCLE WITH AN GNOME.
Friday morning I tried to wake up at about 6am, my eyes did not want to open, I reckon my body was still recovering from the lack of sleep from the night before. I did want any responsible adult would do, I kept my eyes shut and fell back asleep. Finally fully rested I woke up successfully around 9. I jumped out of my bed bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, hopped in the shower and cleaned up, no one wants to be stinky for a bike ride to Coronado. I meet Larry at his restaurant, Empire House, next door to my apartment. His wife greets me with a smile and my regular, a tall glass of water. Larry also greets me not with a smile but with his beard and two of his regulars, Coors Light, one for me and one for him. We shoot the shit for a bit waiting for David to join us. Once he gets there we shoot the shit a bit more all the while finishing off 2 more Coors a piece. Then we set off on our bikes on the first stretch which was about 2 miles down hill to the harbor so that we could catch the Coronado Ferry.
After arriving at the Coronado Landing we head down Orange Ave., which is the main strip, we wanted fish tacos and we had just the right place in mind. To our sadness the restaurant was no longer and was something totally different and more expensive than we wanted. Off we go again with no clue where we want to grab some food and just one beer. This search was probably the highlight of our ride for me. As we slowly rounded the corner onto a side street off of Orange Ave. we were stopped by five B-E-A-Utiful woman. They were in town visiting from Kentucky I believe. They were dental technicians and asked if I could take a picture of them in front of a tooth sculpture. They instantly noticed my southern twang which got us talking about the south a bit, but that’s not the good part. They were infatuated with my smile, they kept saying how amazing and white it was. Made me blush a bit, I then took the picture we said our goodbyes and we were on our way. Larry had seen a sign for a Saloon and wanted to check that out. The Saloon sign turns out to be a pink SALON sign. I guess Yankees aren’t always as smart as they think they are. Again were off to find that first stop, we need to hydrate ASAP.
We pass a small dive bar named Danny’s Palm Bar & Grill. Dive bar…? Hell yeah let’s go. We locked up our bikes, instantly the bartender recognizes David. She used to work with David at Empire house, after a few minutes of catching up she was a bit embarrassed that she did not recognize Larry sitting right next to us. She poured us three Coors Lights while we scanned the menu and bull shitted about random, non important stuff. The bar was a Navy Seals bar, on the wall there were pictures of Seals
along with their names and ranks. Me being me I say to Larry and David “I wonder if those are fallen Seals”. Now Larry being the Smart ass that he is points directly above the photos to a sign that read “Our Fallen Heroes” we laughed only because David had just done the same exact thing. We all order a burger , have a few more beers and close out our tabs. Right as were about to leave the bar tender hits us with a “Do y’all want a shot”, of course we can’t say no to that. We threw back our shots and headed out the door back to our bikes and on to our next destination.
We end up just a short ways down the road and The Little Club which was another little dive bar. Specials were tall boys of Miller Lights so of course that’s what David and I had. Larry stuck with his Coors Light. Along with two others already in the bar, we were the ones. The TV was playing Home Improvement which got us on the subject of actresses and Tim Allens new show Last Man Standing. We each had two beers here and close out our tabs. Before leaving I used the restroom, the urinals had chalk boards above them so that you could leave a message for the next patron.
We didn’t venture far to find the next bar, next door. Good ol’ Nicky Rottens Bar and Burger Joint. We leaned our bikes on the rail of the outside bar then sat directly in front of them on the inside of the bar. I knew someone working there and asked if he could hook me up with a drink, come to find out they had a miss pour of Coronado Brewing Company Orange Whit. Larry and David ordered a draft of Coors Light. Larry, the avid Coors drinker he is, makes a very displeased face on his first sip. I didn’t think it was possible but it tasted like watered down Coors. Turns out that the keg was bad so we got bottles instead along with some pretzels. After about three more beers its time to RUSH back to the ferry, we only had a few minutes to go. It was sometime between here and the end of the night that I misplaced my ID.
We got to the Ferry just in time to buy another beer to take on the 10 min ferry ride across the bay. Upon docking we rushed off the boat and took off towards the Rabbit Hole in Normal Heights. We took 25th st. to Fern up 30th then over to Adams Ave.. Along the way David and I would occasionally look back to make sure Larry was still back there. He hasn’t ridden in years and has a much heavier bike than ours. Larry would catch up at stop lights, though he didn’t really stop. We figured when you’re a GNOME with such a magnificent beard you didn’t have to. He said that he needed more hydration but wouldn’t take any water, YUP you guessed it, it was time for a Coors.
Finally, we made it to The Rabbit Hole. This time I ordered a tall boy of PBR, Larry a Coors, and I can’t quite recall what David had. We all sat in silence as we enjoyed our first few sips of our well deserved beers. I ordered two delicious tacos, like I said I was not planning on this being a drinking ride. I had a birthday celebration to be at in Ocean Beach in a couple of hours. While looking over the happy hour menu I came across something I couldn’t pronounce nor did I know what it was. Thinking it was food I asked “what the hell is Fur-ne'” they both looked at me with that look of “WHAT?”. I pointed at the word and the word and the laughed at me while saying “Fernet” puzzled they then followed with “dude you’ve never had Fernet?” If you don’t know what it is, it’s a peppermint like Jager. It’s very popular with bartenders because it allows them to drink on the clock and not have alcohol breath. Larry bought me a shot and to my Surprise it was actually pretty tasty. After the shot it was roughly 7pm, time for me to start heading home to get ready for the birthday celebration in Ocean Beach.
I stopped through Fiesta Cantina, which is across the street from my house, to say hey to all of my friends that were there. Resting my bike on the rail, next to where my friends are standing inside so I didn’t lock it up. I walked inside and John had a shot waiting for me, I told him that i was not drinking anymore that i had to go to OB. Well John insisted on it so of course I had the shot, 2 beers and another shot while at Fiesta. One of my buddies Eric walks up to me and asks me “Why are you so sweaty?” I turn to point at my bike and it was GONE. My attitude immediately went from tipsy to sober. Luckily Jody was there and saw my attitude change and quickly letting me know that John took it and put it inside. PHEW, that almost ruined my day. By this time it was 8 o’clock time for me to head out.
I walk the bike across the street to my house, jump in the shower and put on some nice clothes for the birthday get together for CJ. I spray on some cologne, grab my phone, hop in my Lyft and head off to OB Noodle House to meet everyone. I ordered water as everyone else ordered their alcohol of choice. OB Noodle House is notorious for their Peanut Butter Shot which I had also never had. Let me say that we went on to have 3 of these bad boys and they are absolutely delicious. They taste just like a peanut butter protein shake. After that we headed off to our next stop Wonderland.
On the walk to Wonderland I check my pockets to make sure that I have everything. Low and behold my ID is gone. Luckily I knew the door man at wonderland and he knew I was well over the age of 21. I was beginning to get a bit tired, after all I have been going at it since 10 that morning. I joined Nick in a Jagerbomb. Shortly after at about 11pm I decided to call it a night and take a Lyft home.
I still have not tracked down my ID as of 4/26/17.
