Does bear spray work? Thumbs up or down?

We found a nice log to set our gear down next to, take a seat and refill our guts. Lunch was great and definitely needed. It wasn’t until we started to pack up that the great day we were having turned south and some one had to endure the worst pain of their life. I noticed that the top of my bear spray had fallen off. Being we were in grizzly country I figured that it would be a great idea to snap it back on. Luckily for me the manufacturing company made that next to impossible.

The top of the Bear Spray can where the cap was supposed to be had a lip on it where the top snapped in. It was designed in a way that the cap locks on to the can so that it does not just pop off as it did. The cap had a flared out flange on it that not only prevents it from coming off but makes it a PAIN IN THE ASS to get back on. The diameter of the flange also had a lip on it that prevented it from just snapping back into place.

Keith saw me struggling to figure out how to get this damn thing back on and said “Mcgyver would have figured it out by now.” as you could imagine that motivated me more to fix it. I took out my pocket knife that my Boatswain Mate 1st Class gave me and began to shave off part of that plastic lip that was keeping me from popping that boy back on. After i finish removing the lip and am satisfied that the cap will fit back in, I attempt to give it another try.

Dont worry I’m smarter than I look. I took all the safety precautions to prevent any mishaps. The cap has safety feature just like a fire bottle. I made sure the clip and pin was in place and that spray hole was pointed away from me that way I wouldn’t accidentally spray any. When the clip is in place it makes the tube that goes into the bottle free-floating so it doesn’t press down and activate the spray.

Everything looks great, the cap was starting to pop on just as planned, it just need a little more umphh for it to pop completely on. With holding the can firmly in my right hand next to my hip, the palm of my other on the cap, hunched over I press as hard as I can and SNAP. Not only does it snap into place but it also shoots out a burst of INSTANT EXCRUCIATING PAIN. apparently the spray nozzle was pointed straight at my eyes as I forced the cap into place.

My head instantly shot back, every thing went blurry and my adrenaline was pumping. I could hear Keith say “oh shit”. I couldn’t open my eyes, it hurt to bad, but I knew that there was a running stream very close by and that was my goal. Keith didn’t really know what to do and neither did anyone else. Keith asked me “do you want me to get some soap and a rag”. I responded “hell no, rubbing it will only make it worse.” I continued to stumble my way to the ice-cold glacier stream, dropped to my knees and submerged my head. The cold water was instant relief. Bringing my head out of the water only long enough to catch a breath and welcome the pain back.

Time is passing by, but the pain was there to stay for a while. I was a great sport about it though, turning towards my friends and giving them a smile and a thumbs up. Cracking jokes whenever my head was out of the water. At one point I came out for a breath and said “Hey watch this, I call this the washing machine”. I then put my face right against the water, opened my eyes the best I could and vigorously shook my head in a “no” motion creating a washer machine effect. After a few times of that I was beginning to regain sight, loose dizziness and not feel as much pain. <—- Don’t confuse that with not pain because it still hurt like hell.

Melissa saw that things were starting to go in the right direction and came over to me then stupidly ask “Want some whiskey?”, “Hell yeah” I responded. Now I was taking whiskey shots in between dunking my head underwater. I’m not sure if the pain was going away or I was just becoming numb to the pain at this point. After a while more I started forcing myself to stay out of the water more, manning up and letting my face get used to the pain. It wasn’t much longer after that, that I was able to keep my eyes open. I knew everything would be okay at this point. I did have a few doubts during the ordeal though. My sight was still blurry for the next hour or so before every thing was clear again.

Best part about the ordeal is that I had just met Keith, Melissa’s brother Dan and her friend Ashley just a day prior. So they pretty much didn’t know what to do or how to act or what I was gonna do. Also if I took anything from this it’s that NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS, REQUIRED OR NOT, FOR THE GREATER GOOD DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM WHEN THEY TRY TO MAKE YOU BUY BEAR SPRAY. I was gonna go without but Keith had insisted. But really though if you’re out there in bear country and your group has plenty of bottle don’t be a McGyver.